Prayers

I have been stressed and just all over the place. I wanted to find peace and understanding with myself now that I am not working.

I lit all the candles on my altar and lit incense that all agreed on. I prayed to them. It’s been forever since I officially sent prayers and thanks, but I felt that I needed to. They answered my silent prayers for help finding a cheap house, and now I’m going to live in a place that is 1/3 of our rent now. It’s a relief and I couldn’t be more thankful that they answered me. 

I spoke to them and it wasn’t awkward like I thought it would be. I mean, I can just astral travel and speak with them no problem. I felt like it was more personal and meant so much more. I placed a special pen (Venetian glass, hand blown, dip pen) on the altar and asked that they help me find my muse, my creativity. To keep busy on the down times. I promise to dedicate the books to them, which will be interesting come time to publish.

I could feel a difference immediately the next day. I felt lighter and more positive. I feel like I can finish my books and now inspired to write more!

My love goes to you: Thor, Sedna, Bast, Kurai, Skadi.. 

Thor, Lightning Crashes

So after the rant I posted, during the time in which I was debating on posting it. It’s mainly in concern about how I want to journal my experiences, but Im not sure how to do so. If I want it to be super private or to share it.

When thinking of actually starting it, this storm tore through the area, the lightning could be seen crashing to the ground and the thunder shook the house.

Thor approves. He approves greatly.

Now what do I do? I mean, yes, I can talk to them on the Astral and just speak with them.. but where the hell do I start? Gods it is confusing.

Godly Feels

Im having such feels in regards to the deities that I work with. In some way, I am wanting to delve deeper into the world of devotion. This scares the ever living shit out of me.

I grew up Catholic. I grew up Roman Catholic. If that doesn’t explain it right there, then I can’t help you understand just how damned lost I am.

What the hell am I supposed to do? How do I work with them? How do I devote time to them? How to I work? Do I pray? Do I.. what? I’m lost and really don’t know where to go with this. I wanted to journal my way through this new thing. But will it stick? Can I stick to being more religious/spiritual? I hate religious term usage, mainly because people assume that if you are religious, you want God and the Bible shoved down your throat.

How can I tell people that hey! Your God royally screwed me over as a kid, I don’t want to hear jack shit about the “gentle and caring” God. Because what God lets their faithful deal with bullying, sexual assualt, and all other shitfests that cause severe emotional and mental trauma at the age of 7-9. The age where you don’t understand why your God won’t help you out or listen to you.

I’ve come to peace… not really. I really have respect that people believe in God and Jesus and the Christian faith. My mother is now Greek Orthodox. That shit makes more sense than Catholicism! And she at least doesn’t try to steer me from my devil path to the path of light and love and blah.

God, I feel like I’ve been keeping all this bundled up. But that damned fear from when I was a child.. it’s passed on to now.

What if my Gods that I love and want to work with.. what if they do the same? When I need them, will they be there for me?

The answer is yes. I’ve never had my deities tell me no. I’d have to work for what I asked for as a payment, but they still did it for me. I can call upon Thor at any time to help me when I am scared or when I need his love. I can call upon Sedna for her strength and emotional support. I can call upon Bastet for the love of a Mother, for confidence in myself and my abilities. I can call upon Kurai’iana to help me heal from pain and to feel the cooling touch of someone who can help me heal and grow. I can call upon Skadi, whom I’ve barely worked with, to be the backbone when I can’t stand for myself.

They ALL have come to my aid, when the Christian God left a child to fend for themselves and never answered. I have no love for Him. Only respect because the God my Mother loves, answers her.

I want to journal my learning and devotional things, but can I post them here? Can I truly be so open and honest with what I’m learning?

The truth is no. I can’t. There is not a privacy to this. I can share things that are relevant, but I cannot share the magic and the lessons they teach. The private moments of the Leanel Harvest, the marriage ceremony between myself and Thor. I’ll keep this updated when I can, but I know that there are so many things to add that I can’t share here because it’s too public.

Which way should I go? Should I create a new WP that is private? Should I do a Word Document? Where?

The hardest part is starting and I have to make a decision. Where do I start?

Thor, Sweet Bonding

I spent all of today with Thor. He has been my constant companion for the day. He’s held me from behind and watched over my shoulder while I work on the website.

We watched the Marvel’s Thor 2: Dark World. He spoke some things to me in response to what we were watching.

“I’d sacrifice myself for you a thousand times, if that is what keeps you safe.”

I cried inside. He make me feel loved. He makes me feel like I can do things and he will support me all the way.

New Year’s Tidings and Wishes

This is the year’s passed of lessons and hard learned ones at that. Of survival and confidence, trust and love. 

This coming year has much in store and I am so happy and loved by my deities, my family.

This is for our bonds of friendship and love.

This year I truly want to delve more into my practice and my spirituality. This year I want to devote more to you, my family.

This year is going to be beautiful and amazing, in reward for doing so well this past year. 

To the new year, tidings and blessings. To the love of the new.