Prayers

I have been stressed and just all over the place. I wanted to find peace and understanding with myself now that I am not working.

I lit all the candles on my altar and lit incense that all agreed on. I prayed to them. It’s been forever since I officially sent prayers and thanks, but I felt that I needed to. They answered my silent prayers for help finding a cheap house, and now I’m going to live in a place that is 1/3 of our rent now. It’s a relief and I couldn’t be more thankful that they answered me. 

I spoke to them and it wasn’t awkward like I thought it would be. I mean, I can just astral travel and speak with them no problem. I felt like it was more personal and meant so much more. I placed a special pen (Venetian glass, hand blown, dip pen) on the altar and asked that they help me find my muse, my creativity. To keep busy on the down times. I promise to dedicate the books to them, which will be interesting come time to publish.

I could feel a difference immediately the next day. I felt lighter and more positive. I feel like I can finish my books and now inspired to write more!

My love goes to you: Thor, Sedna, Bast, Kurai, Skadi.. 

Godly Feels

Im having such feels in regards to the deities that I work with. In some way, I am wanting to delve deeper into the world of devotion. This scares the ever living shit out of me.

I grew up Catholic. I grew up Roman Catholic. If that doesn’t explain it right there, then I can’t help you understand just how damned lost I am.

What the hell am I supposed to do? How do I work with them? How do I devote time to them? How to I work? Do I pray? Do I.. what? I’m lost and really don’t know where to go with this. I wanted to journal my way through this new thing. But will it stick? Can I stick to being more religious/spiritual? I hate religious term usage, mainly because people assume that if you are religious, you want God and the Bible shoved down your throat.

How can I tell people that hey! Your God royally screwed me over as a kid, I don’t want to hear jack shit about the “gentle and caring” God. Because what God lets their faithful deal with bullying, sexual assualt, and all other shitfests that cause severe emotional and mental trauma at the age of 7-9. The age where you don’t understand why your God won’t help you out or listen to you.

I’ve come to peace… not really. I really have respect that people believe in God and Jesus and the Christian faith. My mother is now Greek Orthodox. That shit makes more sense than Catholicism! And she at least doesn’t try to steer me from my devil path to the path of light and love and blah.

God, I feel like I’ve been keeping all this bundled up. But that damned fear from when I was a child.. it’s passed on to now.

What if my Gods that I love and want to work with.. what if they do the same? When I need them, will they be there for me?

The answer is yes. I’ve never had my deities tell me no. I’d have to work for what I asked for as a payment, but they still did it for me. I can call upon Thor at any time to help me when I am scared or when I need his love. I can call upon Sedna for her strength and emotional support. I can call upon Bastet for the love of a Mother, for confidence in myself and my abilities. I can call upon Kurai’iana to help me heal from pain and to feel the cooling touch of someone who can help me heal and grow. I can call upon Skadi, whom I’ve barely worked with, to be the backbone when I can’t stand for myself.

They ALL have come to my aid, when the Christian God left a child to fend for themselves and never answered. I have no love for Him. Only respect because the God my Mother loves, answers her.

I want to journal my learning and devotional things, but can I post them here? Can I truly be so open and honest with what I’m learning?

The truth is no. I can’t. There is not a privacy to this. I can share things that are relevant, but I cannot share the magic and the lessons they teach. The private moments of the Leanel Harvest, the marriage ceremony between myself and Thor. I’ll keep this updated when I can, but I know that there are so many things to add that I can’t share here because it’s too public.

Which way should I go? Should I create a new WP that is private? Should I do a Word Document? Where?

The hardest part is starting and I have to make a decision. Where do I start?

New Year’s Tidings and Wishes

This is the year’s passed of lessons and hard learned ones at that. Of survival and confidence, trust and love. 

This coming year has much in store and I am so happy and loved by my deities, my family.

This is for our bonds of friendship and love.

This year I truly want to delve more into my practice and my spirituality. This year I want to devote more to you, my family.

This year is going to be beautiful and amazing, in reward for doing so well this past year. 

To the new year, tidings and blessings. To the love of the new.

Ushabti, Ubasti

I’ve gone long without speaking or devotion to Mother. Something that when I went out today, that I would correct. I specifically went to shops looking for something that I may add to the altar for my deities.

It so happened that I ran across one that I felt would satisfy myself and Mother Bast.

While Ubasti is not a death or dead association, I felt that in a way, this was still an honor to Her origins of Egypt.

Ushabti, a funerary object for the spirit of the dead to call upon them as servants in the next life or in death. Dated between 665-548BC Late Period.

I felt pleased to place this upon Her altar, Her space where Her statue stands.

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Mournful

To my devotions,
I am mournful of how little I have spoken to you.
I am fraught with the material world’s issues.
Yet, you continue to stand strong.
Yet, you percieve me as still being Yours.
Yet, you still urge and praise me for things of the Material.
I wish I could be the strong one that you seem to see.
I cannot see it yet.
With you guidance, I hope to be successful in more than just the Material.
I have devoted your Space and flourished it with my love.
We will speak soon.
With All My Love,
Your Daughter

I Give Thee All I Have, Bastet

I was given such an opportunity to explore and Devote myself to Bastet. I was not prepared for the Test that I would have to undergo in order for Her to consider me. I was already outside tanning and relaxing, so the heat of the sun was very comforting.

When I arrived to my sacred place, it was very joyful reunion of literally dancing and singing. This is what greeted my family when they found me in the house and then outside. When the deities showed, Bastet became much more serious than usual. She reached out Her hand to me and said, “It is time.”

I took Her hand without hesitation and we found ourselves in a hot desert. The sun beating down on both of my physical and astral body was extreme in its heat. I look around, expecting to find a pyramid or a temple nearby, but all I could see what the vast expanse of the sand and dunes.

“Walk,” was all that She said.

I knew better than to ask directions, or why, or anything of that sort. So I just walked without stopping. Although, when I began, I turned to Her, “Walk with me.”

She seemed very surprised at this. Like She had not had another ask Her of this. Quite surprisingly, She obliged and we walked together. For how long, I do not know. It was minutes out in the real world, but for me, it felt like days. We came upon a man that was on the ground, his feet were burned and blistered. I did not think, I took off my sandals and gave them to the man.

“Please take these, you need them more than I do. But let me heal those sores and burns for you.”

I gave him some of my energy, taking away his own pain. He seemed grateful, but did not say a word otherwise, but to give a smile. My feet were searing in pain at the heat, but I did not speak of it. I could bear it because he did, and I could help him get to another place with those shoes.

We continued on, and again came across another. Before  we had, I had taken off my cloak that I had been wearing and had given it to Bastet, making sure to keep her shaded. I was wearing a dress underneath it, very white and very light. I continued walking with her, knowing that it was a long time. From this time, I knew that this was a Test and I knew that I was being Judged.

We came across a man again, one who was shirtless and his skin was peeling and raw, red from the beating sun. I did not hesitate, granted I gazed in Bastet’s direction. I would not ask for the cloak back, but give what I had left, which would be my dress. Although it was a male, I tore it down the front and turned it into a makeshift cloak for him to use.

“Please take this to cover up, the sun is hot and you are hurt.”

I help to ease the light fabric over his sensitive skin, but do not heal him. He is not that bad off, but it could be worse if left out in the sun. I received a nod as a thanks but nothing else. We continued on, not looking back at what was behind. Bastet was silent through this, and I remained so.

Continued our walk, we came across a small boy, so tiny and very frightened. I rushed to him, not thinking of whether I should. He looked exhausted from the sun, but was otherwise unharmed and still healthy.

“I have nothing more to offer you, but you can walk behind me. My shadow should help protect you, if you wish to follow me for shade. I will try to find us some shade and water to quench our thirst.”

The boy was silent as the others had been, but I could feel him pace around behind me as we walked. He was silent the entire time, not even making noise of walking. It should have made me more wary of things, but I could feel that this was not something to be leery of.

We continued once more, but we had stopped. I felt that a section of the Testing was over. I turned to Bastet, “Where to now? Which direction should I walk in. I need your guidance.”

Bastet pointed to another direction and I turned that way. “Walk.” She said.

It was silent, as it had been the entire traveling. We continued for a long while before coming again to another man. This one was down on the ground and was not moving. I rushed to him, hoping that he was still alive. He was barely breathing and he was only slightly coherent. His body was covered in second and third degree burns. This was far beyond my healing skills, as the heat was against me. Water is my element of healing and I had none nearby. Although, I did know that it was possible to come to an oasis this far out.

“I have nothing to offer you now, but I will do my best to guide you and help you to the closest Oasis, where I can help you as best as I can. If you will permit me to carry you.”

The man’s head lolled back and he groaned in pain. He stood up on his legs, but they were shaky. I ducked underneath the arm closest to me and wrapped him close to my body to support him. It was slow to walk, but I helped him as best as I could. Bastet and the child behind me made no move to help, but I would do this without help. Although, I knew if I just asked, they would help. I wanted to prove that I could do this on my own. It is okay to ask for help, but I would need to know how to rely on myself to get things done.

This next part has mentions of nonconsent, be careful if it triggers you. 

There was a scream from up ahead, one that had me jerking at the sudden sound. We came upon a man atop a woman. Her clothes were tattered and he was forcibly taking her. I quickly guided the injured man to the sand and made sure that he was safe before taking off toward the two.

“Hey! Back off of her now.”

He paused to glance back at me before continuing his actions. I ripped him off of her, taking him in a chokehold. The woman scrambled away. I knew that the man was secured, so I turned my attention to the woman.

“Are you okay?” I stopped myself and shook my head.
“Obviously that was a horrible question to ask, forgive me. Will you be okay?”

She nodded but said nothing else. I turned my attention to the man that I had pinned.

“I hope that you understand that you have no mercy for committing such an act.”

He laughed at me before speaking, “And what are you going to do? You have no weapon.”

I smirked, though he could not see it. I could feel my nails growing and sharpening, into cat claws. “You want to think otherwise? Do you have anything to say for yourself?”

The man was now babbling about saving him and mercy and such.

“I cannot give mercy to a man that willingly commits such an action, but I cannot be the Judge of you. I will leave that up to those in higher position than I am. I hope that Ma’at will not accept you, for your actions.”

I reached back and tore my hand through his chest, grabbing his heart and tearing it out through his back. While reflecting back, I judge that I could have done differently, but I would still choose to do the same. There is no mercy from me for rapists. I will let Judgment choose their path. I take the heart and give it the woman.

“I believe that this is rightfully yours. While it does not replace or make things better, it can help you heal. I know that I cannot help you heal, as this is a different type of healing beyond me. Although, I will offer a place beside me as I walk. I can be an ear if you need, someone to lean on when you need. I will help keep you up and walking forward. You are strong and you can come out much stronger with this. I will help you however that I can.”

She nodded but otherwise said nothing, clutching the heart close to her chest.

I jogged back over to the others, checking on the injured man and child. They had not changed for better or for worse, which i would take over them getting worse. I helped him back up from the sand and we continued forward.

I came up on a scene of two men, both arguing and one trying to take something from another. The woman took the injured man from me as I stepped forward. I broke them up, asking what the issue was, even though one was clearly trying to steal from the other. Except, that once I took the time to listen and not jump ahead, it was the other way around. The one that appeared to be stealing, was actually trying to get their item back. I asked the original person if they are that desperate, that they need to ask for help, but to not steal. I gave them the choice to walk away without punishment. They took off into the place, allowing me to give the item back to the person. They thanked me and held it close to their body. I took the injured man back and helped to carrying him once more.

After what felt of days of walking in silence, we finally came upon an Oasis. When we were all there, I helped the injured man into the pool, where he relaxed. The child was next to be helped in and then the woman. All three relaxed and I turned to Bastet, offering to help her into the pool as well. She waved her hand and remained standing.

I stepped into the pool, wanting to feel the relief of the water wash over my heated and blistered skin. I could for but a moment before I focused on the others. The woman and the child were okay for the moment, but the injured man was critical. I focused on him and tore a little strip of the fabric I could find. I used it to clean the wounds and sore skin. He groaned in pain but did not say anything else. He was very much out of it. I gathered my energy and used the cloth to wipe the energy in the water and my own onto his skin. I did not have much energy left at this point, but I tried as best as I could. The others just watched as I work.

“I know that you understand this is a Test, and that you are doing what you think is right.”

“I am acting as I hope that I would react in such situations. I realize that I may be ‘choosing’ a path to do, but I believe that faced with an actual situation, I would choose this path. There is no telling until it happens, but I can only hope that I would choose this.”

Bastet merely nodded and the others remained silent until I was finished. When we were all healed and the man was standing up on his own, I turned to Bastet. She point out and did not have to day. All of them followed behind as I walked forward, unsure of where I was going, but before I could ask, a large building appeared. It was of a pyramid, but something was different about it. I continued to walk forward, feeling more assured in my step. The pyramid was close now, not very far. But my legs collapsed under me and I lost all of my strength. I was weakened just as the others had been. I could barely keep my head up, but I felt many hands underneath me as I was picked up. I could just slightly see the ones that I had saved, that I had helped, all carrying me. As they walked, they shifted into many forms, of that of the Kemetic deities. I was Tested by not just Bastet, but by the others.

They took me into the pyramid and set me down, and I passed out. When I awoke, I was in a place where it was Bastet and no others. She spoke to me words of encouragment and love. She gave me Her Blessing for many things, and accepted my Devotion. It was very simple, and very to the point. She did not want the formality.

My other deities that I had devoted to, other than Kurai’iana, appeared there as well. It was time to seal it all in blood. I cut my right palm and fused it with Bastet. I cut my left wrist and shared it with Sedna. The last was Thor, the first one. I had already exchanged with him, so I recut the left palm and he shared his this time.

It’s becoming more official and it feels that much more right.

Bastet, Mother to Us All

I bought the beautiful statue of Mother Bast when I visited a Ren Fest. When I got to the house, it had become lost and I could not find it no matter how much I looked. For 8 Months, I searched with nothing. I have become closer and closer to Devoting, and as I searched again to start an altar for my Deities, I told Her that if she wanted me to Devote, I would need to have the statue. I wanted this altar space. I found it within 5 minutes of saying this.

I have set it up and started to honor Her with the things around the house that I could give. My cats are always sleeping on the green blanket that was previously sitting up on the table, so I moved it where it would not be in the way, and it could honor Her.

She is very pleased with the set up and the cats have been actively laying there. I am glad to see they are happy and She is happy with it. Hopefully I can get some shelves soon, so I can build Her side of the altar up above the cats so they don’t knock anything down.

This is a good start to many plans for this.